More Job

Back to Job this morning, and his wailing in Chapter 3. I have heard this before, on my own lips and the lips of others. "Why is this happening to me," "I wish I was dead." "I wish I'd never been born." And, "Why are you doing this to me, God?" I remember that one clearly. Seems I let that one fly one night alone in church before the Blessed Sacrament.

Suffering never fails to catch us by surprise, even though we are warned that it will come "like a thief in the night." Instead, we live in a culture that tries to build a wall between suffering and ourselves.
But we cannot escape it and it will show up on our doorsteps, often more than once. "A time to weep and a time to laugh. A time to mourn and a time to dance."

Here's what I know about suffering and death. First, I believe that there was a redeeming act in the death of our daughters, because it hss brought my wife and myself to a closer, more ordered relationship with God, just as Job eventually does. As for the girls, their unwilling act of redemption has not gone unnoticed by the Father. In fact, I think I may be the last to get this. This is what I believe: God does not want us to suffer, did not make us to suffer, but has taken suffering and death and turned the table on it by making it an act of redeeming love, through his Son. I wrote yesterday about God being the only one present in the void after the girls' death. Not only was he the only one present, he called us to enter into this mystery of redemption. He calls us all. Some follow, some don't. God, who can do anything, turned death into life. My faith tells me that the girls live, just as it tells me St. Paul lives, as do St.James, St.Vincent, St.Monica, St.Ignatius and all my "go-to" saints.
As Lazarus was risen, as Christ is risen, so too can we enter into the mystery and live on. In suffering, Job gets to see God. So do we.

Sea of Heartbreak

Back in the nineties, there was a family who was struggling. Unemployment issues, financial issues, health issues with one of the two children, friction between husband and wife. By the end of the decade, there finally seemed to be light. Full employment, financial needs turning the corner and best yet, successful treatment of the one child. Then the two children were killed in a car accident and the parents were horribly alone in every family's worst nightmare. I know this story first hand because it is my family and the children are my children. So, it's always with a sense of trepidation that I open the Book of Job.

Job is a didactic book, a teaching book. Whoever the author is, he nailed it. It is dead solid perfect when it works through the relationship of God and the suffering man. If you are suffering, take this book and read it and pray with it from beginning to end.

After all is said and done, Job encounters the Lord and finds that the Lord is the Lord. He is unchanging, no matter what happens to us. It is easy to read this and take it as God's indifference to us, but I can tell you it is exactly the opposite. When our children died, I found myself alone. Friends, posessions, career suddenly meant nothing. It was as if I found myself alone in a room, and the only one left with me was the Lord, who simply told me he'd been there all the time and would continue to be there all the time and would love me just as he always had.

As a resident of "Job-world," I will tell you that if you haven't suffered yet, you probably will. And if you have already suffered, there's no indication it will be the last time it will happen. I will also tell you that the presence of Christ is very, very real. You will never be alone.

Fall

One of my favorite times where I live. The colors, the mild temperatures,
the fading days. It is a season that reminds me daily that we are not here for good, and simply pilgrims in this life. Life has been so hectic lately that I fear the season may fade away before I even realize it has begun.

St. Matthew

As I read the first lines of today's Gospel, the part where Jesus said to Matthew "follow me" and Matthew got up and did so without a word, I thought of the contrast with the story of the rich young man which comes later in Matthew's gospel. Matthew the tax collector, a loan shark if you will, just gets up and follows and manages to attract other "low-lifes" as well. The rich young man attracts no one, and wrestles with his own issues.

The point is that sometimes we get to the point that we see that there really is nothing else other than what God promises us. Matthew had probably seen enough in his life to know that when he met Christ that this was "it." The rich young man wasn't there yet.

Which, of course, leads to, "where are we?"

Where Would We Be Without It

"If Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you shall still be in your sins." First Corinthians, 15:12-20, one of today's lectionary readings.
Faith is an illusive thing to describe to someone who has not recognized the gift of faith given to him. It is not explainable, like your brown hair is ("All Mom's family had brown hair.") But if you have faith, you know it. You know it becaue you are at peace despite your sinfulness and suffering. You know it because you move with hope. You know it because you can stop and be still and see where you have been and how far you have come to be where you are now. You can stop and be still and find yourself in the presence of God and know its God. You came to this place through the risen Christ. You didn't get here because you read Augustine or Paul, or Merton, or B16 or anyone else. You didn't get here because of a seminar or course or jump-up, feel-good parish mission. You got here because Christ died for our sins and rose from the dead. All of the above mentioned may have helped you get here, but they are not the reason you are here.

We often pray to thank God for our gifts, and we think of family, friends, stuff, etc. Thank God for the Gift today. The Risen Christ that makes your faith a reality.

The Centurion

A breakfast discussion so in line with Luke's Gospel today. Is our faith misplaced? Do we put too much faith in legislators, physicians, teachers, self-help experts and consultants, and not nearly enough in God? And are we willing to go into an unknown to trust in God? The centurion actually did both. This Roman official knew Caesar couldn't heal his slave. His complete faith in Christ, to the point of declaring his own unworthiness, should speak volumes to us. Any false gods in the closet that need to go?

Prayer (Luke 6:12-19)

"In those days he departed to the mountains to pray, and he spent his night in prayer to God. When the day came he called his disciples to himself and from them he chose twelve."

Sometimes the message we individually need to hear isn't hidden. Sometimes it jumps out at you. If it had hands, it would grab you by the neck and make you pay attention. Such was this verse in today's reading from Luke.
Only after prayer, much prayer, did Christ choose the Twelve. The message was clear for me...you need to pray more often.

So, immediately I think of making more time for prayer. But those imaginary hands shook me some more. "It's not about making time, pal. It's about your pride. Anyone can make time to do something. It's what keeps you from doing it that you need to look at." With that, we were off down a different trail.

It's a meandering trail and I haven't yet reached the end. Actually, I imagine I'm just starting. But I leave this thought. What keeps you from praying more? Is it time, or is it something else? Is it your own human pride? Or perhaps it's another weakness. Sloth, perhaps. Whatever.

Just a thought.